This might be long, but any advice for me?
Salaam Alaikum,
I am a sophomore in college, and I love my religion with all my heart. Islam is my reason for living. Here is how I show my devotion to it:
- I pray 5 times a day. I even wake up at 6:00 AM to pray Fajr.
- I read some quran before bedtime
- I fast during Ramadan
- I go to Friday prayer when I do not have class
- I do not cheat or backbite; I always am honest with my family
- Insha Allah, I plan to go to Hajj soon
- I do not drink alcohol and do not party
- I am a virgin
- I wear hijab; all my clothes are loosely fitted. If my pants are tight, I always have a long shirt to cover my body.
- I give Zakat
- I say "Bism Allah" and "Hamdullah" as many times as I can during the day
- I’m a Sunday school teacher
In college, I am studying to be a professor of English literature. That is my main career goal insha Allah. Also, I would like to get my degree in directing. I enjoy the theater arts, but of course, I never let them interfere with my religion. I direct with my hijab and with modesty.
I live with my grandparents, and I do have a sister, but she lives alone. I am feeling very upset, and I feel bad because the Prophet (S) said "Do not become angry." I just cannot help it. So, please tell me what to do.
My grandmother hurt my feelings one day. She wanted me to meet this Arab man to consider for marriage. I did meet him, but I did not like him that way. I have a non-Muslim friend who I like, and he has expressed interest in me. HE IS NOT MY BOYFRIEND al Hamulillah. I know the rules very well. A Shaykh once told me to make dua and be faithful and insha Allah, he will be guided to Islam. If he converts, I would like to marry him.
My grandmother hurts me when she talks about him, calling him a kafir and saying that I better not cause a scandal to our family, when she knows that I love my religion more than anything in the world. I won’t marry him if he won’t convert; she knows that. She is even angry with me for being in theater; she says it’s okay for me to enjoy it, but she doesn’t want me to direct on the side.
My sister used to be so supportive of me. Sometimes, she would even say that I was being ridiculous and being too religious and uptight. Now, she is being a hypocrite. I do not like to talk about people, but she is not very religious, and now she’s saying that I’m on a thin line and that I am going to be a sinner. (She doesn’t pray, she lives alone, she doesn’t read Quran every day, etc.)
My brothers and sisters, please know that I love my family with all my heart. I am a good Muslim girl al Hamdulliah and I will never EVER be tempted by the Shaytan. Why can’t my family understand me and why are they so critical of all my actions? My grandfather is the only one who seems to support me; he thinks I’m creative and gifted and a very good Muslimah. I feel like the women in my family just criticize and manipulate.
You seem to pay a lot of attention of the opinion of people around you and that’s not good it you care that much . You know yourself well , you’re wise and a good Muslimah . You don’t need the approval of anyone as long as you know what you’re doing is right and you have to show them that you don’t really care about their opinions of your actions because your happiness and peace of mind is more important than to make everyone else happy with what you do , It’s your life and not theirs so let them mind their own business and leave you live the way you want it live it and not the way they want it to be .
Peace!
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Salam,
You are a key to get out of tradition and break into the Ummah of Salam, you are the new generation that thirst for more… so talk to Allah SWT and take him with you inshAllah and then come home to Allah SWT like you do inshAllah
Always remember you are individual and you have gifts from Allah, seek the peace and blessings that you asked for in grace and mercy…
Khair inshAllah
keep up the great work duah in my time to Allah khair
Now that is what most Imams and Sheikhs will say to you…
Unfortuanatly that is not acceptable to me because that is not giving me a solution to your problems……
here is the solution to your problems.
1 Allah SWT ask him
2 Muhammed SAW and to Adam A.s. the ways given
3 is yourself
4 is your unconditional loves, they are trying to help seek mercy
5 the world and all that is in it, that is us, so ask forgiveness that you didn’t seek Allah SWT his ways as you are reading them, praying and giving your all you should always remeember Allah SWT is there, he has not left, so all this go to him, and let him do the rest.
Hasbi Allah Wu nameel Wakeel inshAllah amin
A new wave of Muslim is come and it takes a new brain and a new approach to see what they need, the older need to listen to us, they ignored us before, and we are the better of them.
May we all have peace inshAllah there is a better way I have laid it for you, seek they repentance of Allah the best is the one that seeks the knowledge of Allah and makes accurate of it as they pass it on as the best gift to others.
That is the way!
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Ankaboot
April 3rd, 2010 at 7:33 pm
Walaykum Salaam. Sister you are backbiting about your family so you are sinning by talking about them when they cannot defend themselves. Be careful of what you say. Listen to your grandmother, she’s older than you and knows more about the world. What do your parents have to say about you wanting to be with a non-Muslim boy (regardless if he converts or not) and you being a director? Personally I do not think it’s in your best interest to be a director as you will be interacting with non-mahram men which could cause fitnah and lead to az-zina.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 8:09 pm
"- I pray 5 times a day. I even wake up at 6:00 AM to pray Fajr"
You say this as if Allah should really bless you or that you are doing Allah a really big favour by praying Fajr on time.
Well in Canada, in summer, Fajr, earliest is 3 38 am, I used to stay awake whole night, pray fajr, sleep, wake up before dhuhr, etc…
praying each salah on time is fardh, whether we like it or not.
Being too religious and getting called TOO RELIGIOUS?
Here, this might HIGHLY help u
"Contradicting Community - Nouman Ali Khan"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LumwYGp729w&feature=PlayList&p=DCBBE85D002BF91C&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=38
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April 3rd, 2010 at 8:57 pm
Be patient…
And you know what maybe meet some more other muslim guys…
your grandma is old… be patient with her…
this really just comes down to the fact that even if ur a bad muslim… if u marry another muslims and a virgin then it’s all good…
but if ur a good muslim and like a non muslim or are a non-virgin then it’s like none that you do to please Allah SWT means nothing and in the eyes of the people nothing matters other then the fact ur virgin and u marry a muslim…
Also kinda just ignore your sister… no need to deal with people like that if they only hurt and anger you…
Your a good sister…
just pray to Allah SWT and really don’t be so hung up on one guy… look at other muslim brothers…
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April 3rd, 2010 at 9:33 pm
Islam is your reason for living, religion will never be my reason for living, My love for life is reason for living..Muslim God can be emotionally abusive too much
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April 3rd, 2010 at 9:58 pm
Going through infertility - Leave her alone, she is stating an opinion that can’t be told to her grandmothers face so back off.
Qul Huwallahu Ahad - she is stating what she does, she is not trying to sound like an amazing Muslim, why can’t you people get out of your tiny boxes and understand the bigger picture
Assalam,
You are a newer generation of Muslim and people can’t understand that fact of getting culture out of the way. One thing you can’t forget is basic human emotions, does he really love you? Or is he doing it out of lust?
On the other hand, u must understand where your grandparents are coming from, be glad your grandfather supports you as he is the one that will make you feel loved and appreciated most of your life. As for your grandmother, I do not personally know how to deal with that type of situation, but I am in the same place as you except I am following their wishes.
Best of luck,
allahafiz.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 10:13 pm
Wa alaikum salam wa rahmatullah.Reading your story I have the opinion that you are areal good muslimah and you have a beautiful goal of your career and you make all effort to reach your goal.Insya Allah with hard efforts and du’a you will reach your ideal goal in the future.
I can give a slight advice to you (1)Please continue to do good doings and avoid bad doings every day based on the Qur’an and hadith (2)Do your mandatory prayer on time everyday and plus at least 2 raka’ats of sunnah prayer before or after mandatory prayer except after fajr time and ashr time. (3)Please talk and discuss honestly with your grandmother and grandfather and also your sister about your would be husband’s criteria ,your daily activities and also your would be career so they will support you as long as it is in line with the Qur’an and hadith In reality they want you to be happy and safety as a good muslimah because both of them love you very much.Your grandmother has not an intention to hurt you please be apologized.
(3)If you are upset or angry please as soon as possible you make wudhu and do sunnah prayer at least 2 raka’ats,make dzikir or recite the Qur’an, so your anger will fade away in line with hadith Anger is made by syaitans,you should say audzubillah he minash syaiton nir rojeem and astaqfiru llah al adheem.. You are better making dzikir and you say syahadah every day when you hear
the azzan calling and after you finish wudhu.May Allah bless you and show the right path.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 10:39 pm
the only issue i see is ur progency, all is fine u will be fine he weather he converts or not he will be fine, but what about ur kids, u know how tough it is to grow up believing and well brought up kids and they are so important that its in the riwayat that they are (pious onces ) a source of mercy in our graves, remember Allah will ask you bout them and rest as you deem fit coz with a non muslim husband it will be tough to give them sirat al mustakeem remember that
ma as salam
peace
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April 3rd, 2010 at 10:59 pm
Wa Alaikum Assalam,
Your grandfather is all you need for support. Don’t care about grand mother. Keep on doing the right thing. Ask Allah is he is right for you in Salat al-Istikharah. Allah will either make you forget about him if He doesn’t approve or Allah will make your feelings stronger than now for this man.
Old ladies have one track minds. If Allah approves the man you want, Allah may guide him to accept Islam and marry you because you are a good Muslimah.
You won’t be able to convince your grand mother to support you. If grand father supports you then why worry about grand ma, she will not be with you for ever any way.
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April 3rd, 2010 at 11:32 pm
You seem to pay a lot of attention of the opinion of people around you and that’s not good it you care that much . You know yourself well , you’re wise and a good Muslimah . You don’t need the approval of anyone as long as you know what you’re doing is right and you have to show them that you don’t really care about their opinions of your actions because your happiness and peace of mind is more important than to make everyone else happy with what you do , It’s your life and not theirs so let them mind their own business and leave you live the way you want it live it and not the way they want it to be .
Peace!
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April 4th, 2010 at 12:02 am
Salam Alaikum, it would be better for you to be a professor of English instead of a theater director to avoid too much interaction with men. As for the kafir man who is interested in you, be prudent of his intentions, he might just be interested in you because he finds you exotic and may revert just to be with you and not for the deen. Try to find a pious mukmin online or at the mosque through nikah services.
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